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This issue’s staff spotlight features our Comprehensive Advocate, Valarie Smith. Her work centers on creating a fun, safe environment for the children who reside in our emergency shelter. She also specializes in working with  clients to help them find transitional housing. See the full story here [Link to the rest of the story]

Q. Tell me a little about yourself. What do you do in your free time?

I am an adult/child advocate at New Horizons, so I work with the families along with their children.  I also work with CCADV’s Rapid Re-Housing department. For me, in my free time these days, I love spending time with my family. I am a very family-oriented person, I love my family, and I want them to love each other. When I leave this earth, I want them to still be close and call on each other in their time of need. If you need to talk, call your brother.  And I want my sons to be involved with each other’s children.  I have a son that likes coaching sports and he brings along his nephew.  And I love having my grandkids over.  They will spend the night and I cook for them in the morning.

I also bake in my free time. I sell baked goods during the holidays and I love baking to give to people as well.  I guess I give of myself so much because I love to see people happy.

Q. What was your typical day before the pandemic and what does your typical day look like now?

The answer will surprise you.  My days are exactly the same if not busier during the lockdown.  We didn’t miss a beat.  The only difference is I didn’t go out to see the clients, we talk to them over the phone now. We have plenty of support over the phone, moving people along in housing and hotel placement.    

For the most part, I will follow up with people I am working with or receive a phone call from the hotline, where you have to give that emotional support, which can run anywhere between 20 mins to an hour. You want to hit the points that have them so upset, schedule an appointment or give them some hope, because that’s what they are looking for… “just tell me there is hope in all this”.  So that’s a typical day, but you really don’t know what to expect.  It can go from one hotline call to ten hotline calls.  A crisis may come up which has to be addressed before other work can get done. 

Right now, it has appeared to slow down a little, at least on my end, but the stories are so severe lately, compared to the start of my career at New Horizons. I worked in mental health, substance abuse and homelessness for 30 + years but DV is different, it really, really is. I now realize that a lot of the women I dealt with in my previous job were in DV situations, but I didn’t see it that way.  I would encourage them for other reasons, but not with the mindset of DV at all.  So, understanding DV more, especially the emotional part, its hurtful, it’s hard to let it go when you go home.  The cases are just so severe, and I hope more people realize that emotional abuse holds just as much weight as the physical… the torment of it. A client told me recently “Valarie, I just feel so broken.”  The way she said it, in those words… I felt her brokenness through the phone.

Q. What drew you to become an adult advocate? What inspired you to make that change?

I was laid off from my previous job and a young lady that works for CHC reached out to me and said there is an opening that she felt I would be good at.

Q. How is this different from your previous work?

Working with a person who is homeless, you can call and get them into a shelter. A person with substance abuse issues… that’s two-fold. My thinking is changing a little, its shifting. No one wakes up in the morning and says I want to be a substance abuser. You are focusing on getting them into treatment, asking them if this is what they really want to do, send them to meetings, and all sorts of other things. The difference between working with homelessness and drug abuse and working with someone who is a victim of relationship violence is that there is are so many more layers to working with a relationship violence victim. Homelessness, you may have lost your job or got kicked out of where you are staying, but with relationship violence you fell in love with these people and then, they change on you right in the middle when you least expect it. You must take a different approach with DV. You must be very delicate in your approach. One wrong word can send them right back to the abuser. One wrong word can make them feel like, “that’s what my abuser used to say” or at least receive it that way.

Q. What inspires you about your work in the relationship violence field? What keeps you coming back every day?

Giving hope to people. Letting them know they are stronger than they think. Working with people to inspire them, get their lives back on track where they can handle it. Letting them know they are more than a conqueror, that they have a strength inside of them that they know nothing about until they are backed into a corner and fighting for their survival.  This is what really inspires me, because I love a good outcome.

Q. What advice do you have for possible clients who are looking for assistance from New Horizons?

The first thing I would say to them is YOU CAN DO IT. There is nothing that’s impossible once you make up your mind, because I can’t tell you to leave or to stay.  I will show you red flags and highlights so that you can see clearer, but it’s your decision to make.  The first thing they would say is “I can’t afford to leave”, “I don’t want to leave my kids behind”, “I don’t want him to come looking for me”, things of that nature.

Working with them to create a plan really helps, drawing that picture so they see it’s possible.  Before you know it, you are working with them toward those goals. You have to help them to understand… would you rather be in danger or living to build again? 

And then therapy.  Therapy is very important to help them put things in its proper box.

Q. What do you think it would take to have a future without intimate partner violence?

We need the police force in every state to really understand the severity of intimate partner violence. It’s not a casual thing. They really need to understand, as well as society, the severe effects of emotional and verbal abuse. I don’t think people do.  If you don’t have a black eye, then people think that you can handle it, that everything’s ok, but that’s not true. These people are broken. Intimate partner violence causes more homelessness, more suicidal deaths, it causes more children to be removed from their homes and placed in the system when they don’t need to be, because there is too much emotional drama going on in their homes.  It also has generational effects. What choices are these children going to make in their own relationships?

I think it’s a community effort. We need to shout as loud as we can that, we are our brother’s keeper.

If you see something, say something. No more silence!  

Meet one of our Adult Advocates, Donika Freeman! In this staff highlight, Donika discusses her work, her experiences, and the importance of having court advocates to assist victims of domestic violence.

Q. What is an adult advocate? What does a typical day look like for you?

A.  As an Adult Advocate, there really aren’t any “typical” days. Each day brings on something new; a new challenge, a new story, a new opportunity to make a difference is someone’s life. In fact, the only constant each day is that there is a survivor in need of help after being controlled, manipulated, and hurt by someone who was supposed to love them. So my job is to listen to each individual and their story, and focus on client-centered advocacy based on what the survivor believes is best and safest for them. Sometimes that may mean assisting with finding an emergency safe house for a survivor who wants to leave their abusive partner; while other times that may mean safety planning with a survivor who is not yet ready to leave. In many instances, survivors may have been financially abused or not allowed to work and so when they do come to our safe house, they are starting from scratch. In that case, I may be assisting in providing basic needs thanks to generous donations from the community, or helping connect them to education and employment resources so that they can take control of their life again. Some of the best times though, is when I get to take part in helping a survivor move out of the safe house into an apartment of their own, knowing the strength, determination, and fight they went through to get to that point; or when I get to take the stress off of a survivor or family by taking them to a planned outing, creating at least some kind of normalcy and being able to put all the stress of the abuse, housing, parenthood, income, and so on, aside for just a moment.

Q. What drew you to becoming an adult advocate?

A.  First and foremost, I believe that God guides me and places me where I need to be, to complete the specific work he has created me for. I also have a natural desire to help people; it is what I was born to do and what I am truly passionate about. However, what truly drew me to becoming an Adult Advocate in particular, are some of my personal experiences. They allow me to not understand, but be able to relate to some of the survivors’ experiences and therefore know the importance of the services that we offer.

Q. What inspires you about your work in the domestic violence field?

A. I think what inspires me most is the resiliency of the survivors. There are some really difficult stories and traumatic situations that survivors have been through, and yet they still have such strength to persevere and move forward with their lives. 

Q. What advice do you have for possible clients who are looking for assistance from New Horizons?

A. Please do not wait to call us. Listen to your head and not your heart. Waiting may cost you your life or at the very least, result in further injury whether it be physical or emotional. Also, abuse is abuse – do not downplay it. We will help every step of the way, from understanding what domestic violence is, to planning your escape and the next chapter in your life. You are worthy of safety, peace, love and happiness; do not let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Q. What are you hopeful for in terms of a future without domestic violence?

A. I am hopeful that there will be an end to stigmas surrounding domestic violence, and that there will be more widespread sensitivity training for professionals interacting with survivors, so that survivors are less likely to be re-traumatized. I am also hopeful that there will be a heightened awareness and community engagement regarding domestic violence, including training for individuals to learn how to help their clients, neighbors, friends, co-workers, classmates, and so on who are experiencing domestic violence. Lastly, I am hoping for a growing focus on prevention programs so that youth can learn early about how to engage in a healthy relationship and know the signs, and what to do, when they are in an unhealthy relationship. This may also help to end the sometimes intergenerational cycle of domestic violence.

On behalf of New Horizons, CHC Director of Community Engagement & Relations Gary Wallace and Lieutenant Dave Godwin of the Middletown Police Department are selling purple patches in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month! Starting now through October, you can purchase a purple patch. All proceeds will go to New Horizons, which help us assist our clients in breaking free from violence.

We at New Horizons are always committed to being victim-centered in our services as well when working with our community partners throughout Middlesex County. To that end, New Horizons works with police to respond to domestic violence calls and offers education and training year-round to ensure that emergency services are victim-centered. This is an ongoing initiative, and efforts made by MPD staff reinforce the MPD’s commitment to work with New Horizons to end domestic violence.

If you are interested, patches are $10 each. To order a patch, you may send your payment to any of the following:

Venmo: garywallace67
Cash App: $gary67
PayPal: Gary Wallace

You may also walk in and pay at the Middletown Police Department (222 Main Street, Middletown, CT 06457). Otherwise, all orders will be delivered directly to you.

For questions, please email or call:

CHC Director of Community Engagement & Relations Gary Wallace:
[email protected]
[email protected]
860-883-1442

Lt. David Godwin
[email protected]
860-638-4154
860-883-5808

Thank you Gary and Dave!

What is a Family Violence Victim Advocate?

• The Family Violence Victim Advocate plays an integral role in the processing of family violence cases in criminal court.  It is the role of the advocate to act as the liaison between the victim and the court. Some responsibilities of a Family Violence Victim Advocate consist of but are not limited to, gathering information about the incident, explaining the court process to the client, relaying the victim’s wishes to the court, making appropriate referrals for services, assisting with restraining orders, staying in contact with and informing the victim of any upcoming court dates and/or the status of the case. In addition, the State’s Attorney or Family Division may ask the assistance of the victim advocate in reaching the victim when preparing a case or continuance. 

What experiences and interests led you to becoming a Family Violence Victim Advocate?

• Throughout my undergraduate degree, I went through a number of degrees and universities. From life experience, one day it just clicked, and all the pieces began to align. I began my degree in Criminal Justice at The University of New Haven with a concentration in Victim Service Administration. For the first time, I felt I was not settling, and I found exactly where my passion was. My entire degree surrounded the criminal justice system and victims, I studied abroad in Italy completing research on violence against women and attended as many trainings as I could. It was then that I found my purpose and I could not imagine doing anything else.

Why do you think it’s important to have court advocacy for our clients?

• For some clients, having an advocate in the court system is one of the most critical parts of the process. The court can be an intimidating place for some so an advocate provides a sense of security as they are the client’s point of contact. As an advocate, it is our duty to ensure that victim’s voices are heard and that their rights are preserved. An advocate is a mediator between the victim and the judicial system and vice versa. An advocate is someone who will listen and fight for a victim through an unbiased and trauma informed lens which allows clients to know that they have an ally throughout the complexities of the system.

What is the best advice you have for domestic violence victims that are looking for court and/or legal advocacy?

• As I would tell any individual who is going through a domestic violence situation whether they are seeking court/legal advocacy or just advocacy in general, you are stronger than you think you are and your voice deserves to be heard. It’s not going to be easy and it may feel close to impossible at times but you have survived 100% of your worst days. If you are questioning whether you want to speak up, call an advocate, ask as many questions as you want, get the information you need, and hold on to it. Even when it does not feel like it, you have rights and you deserve to live a life free from abuse. Remember, always give yourself the credit you deserve… In regard to court, at times it may feel like nothing is being done but trust the process and trust your advocate… the legal system is bigger than an advocate and we too, have limitations in what our job allows us to do but if there is just one person in your corner throughout the process, it’s them. Keep your head up, better days are ahead.

What is the best advice you have for someone who may want to get in this field?

• Listen – sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to allow them tell their story and support them through the process. Don’t take anything personal – you may be the only outlet that person has so allow them to feel safe enough to release everything they’ve been holding in. Practice self-care – if you do not take care of yourself then you are no good to anyone else. Burn out, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma are real… have an outlet and do your best to keep work at work. Keep your word – no matter the inconvenience it may cause, if you tell someone you’re going to do something, do it… they are relying on you to be different than everyone else in their lives. Lastly, the quicker you free yourself from the idea that you can save someone and that you are a resource and just a part of someone’s story, the better advocate you will be.

Community Health Center, Inc. is pleased to announce the unveiling of our updated branding for New Horizons Domestic Violence Services.  The new modern look reflects a new decade as the program celebrates 40 years of steadfast shelter, support and advocacy.

New Horizons is a 24-hour operational non-profit organization that provides services to victims of domestic and intimate partner violence in Middlesex County. As an ever-growing organization, New Horizons understands the importance of generating new fresh visuals to demonstrate its continued commitment to the community and its mission in ending domestic violence.

The new logo features a bright yellow horizon over a purple base, a color representing domestic violence awareness, highlighted by a white streak of light to reflect the triumph of survivors of domestic abuse. The updated logo will be featured on the New Horizons website, at local events and on all communication platforms.

“We are excited to unveil this new logo to the community which we believe represents our devotion to helping survivors of domestic violence overcome their adversity and transition to their independence,” said Denetra McBride, Program Director of New Horizons. “The sky or horizon is the only limit that can keep them from achieving their new goals.”