This issue’s staff spotlight features Elizabeth Marshall. Elizabeth is an adult advocate, as well as the volunteer and intern coordinator at New Horizons. Elizabeth is passionate about her work and dedicates herself to serving clients.

Q. What is an adult advocate? What does a typical day look like for you?

A.  An Adult Advocate is a Domestic Violence Crisis Counselor and Advocate who primarily deals with adults IPV victims. On any given day I may provide counseling related to IPV issue to members of the community, or safe house residents. Additionally, I communicate with other service providers or agencies, in an effort to advocate for my clients. I attend meetings or trainings, and sit on committees to better the lives of those we serve. I answer the crisis hotline to provide emotional support to IPV victims, conduct intakes for safe sheltering, and receive referrals. I’ve found that one day is never the same as the next.

Q. What drew you to working with victim-survivors of domestic violence?  

A.  While in law school I conducted my practical internship in the Westchester County, NY District Attorney’s Office’s “Special Victim’s Unit.” Months of working with women, men and children who had been subjected to physical and sexual violence opened my eyes to the horror these crimes wreak on the lives of those effected.

Q. What inspires you about your work in the intimate partner violence field?

A.  I find something to inspire me every day. It may be knowing that I assisted in aiding someone to a safer location, or watching a client begin to feel less traumatized and cease the cycle of self-blame. Every success if inspirational and motivational.

Q. What advice do you have for possible clients who are looking for assistance from New Horizons?

A.  Please call us. New Horizons advocates are trauma informed, educated in the power and control cycle of abuse, and all are willing to go above and beyond to suit needs of those we serve.

Q. What are you hopeful for in terms of a future without domestic violence?

A.  I’m hopeful for better community understanding of domestic violence. Someday, I hope to never have to answer the question ‘Why didn’t she just leave?’ again. Equally, I hope for better legislation involving the nuances involved in this crime. The Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence does a wonderful job lobbying for new bills to protect and prevent. New Horizons is always on board to back up previously proposed legislation, and works to suggest additional statutory needs.

By Alyssa Martin, New Horizons Program Director

2021 has been a year of incredible change at the state and federal levels regarding legislation designed to provide better services and safety measures for families experiencing violence.

At the state level, Governor Lamont signed Public Act 21-78, also known as “Jennifer’s Law”, into law on July 27, 2021. This new state statute provides several protections related to family violence cases, including:

• Expands the definition of abuse for Temporary Restraining Orders to include coercive control;
• Requires landlords to change locks on individual units for victims with orders of protection;
• Establishes legal representation for eligible impoverished victims when applying for a restraining order; and
• Includes numerous other provisions to benefit victims.

At the federal level, President Joe Biden signed the VOCA (Victims of Crime Act) Fix into law on July 22, 2021. The Victims of Crime Act provides funds for domestic violence programs for case management, court advocacy, and other vital services. Over the past four years, VOCA funding was cut by two-thirds. This cut resulted in fewer resources for service providers across the United States, which meant less support for victims of intimate partner violence.

Through the VOCA Fix, intimate partner violence providers once again are able to use federal funds to help survivors access counseling, forensic exams, and other important services to ensure  all survivors have what they need to escape a life of violence.

These sweeping legislative changes at both the state and federal levels give the survivors of Connecticut more resources, safety, and support. New Horizons looks forward to implementing these changes, ensuring that the survivors of Middlesex County continue to have the steadfast support that the community has relied on for over 40 years.

By New Horizons Family Violence Victim Advocate Schaene Shatto

When we discuss leaving, we mainly talk about the better life you are going to have and your bright future, yet we often neglect to talk about the pain that comes with leaving, both the expected and the unexpected. We often prepare ourselves for safety yet we do not prepare ourselves for the people and things around you that too will cause pain, hurt, shame, betrayal, and even re-traumatization and re-victimization.

Leaving a domestic violence relationship is often one of the hardest and scariest things you will ever face. You’ll second guess your decision, yourself, and whether it is the right thing to do, you will go back and forth, you will safety plan, you will put your supports in place, and you’ll rally your village. Everyone around you will remind you that it is in your best interest, your safest option, and that you are stronger than you think. They will promise you that they have no expectations and to allow you to take all the time you need.

We would be lying if we did not expect this to be challenging, if we did not expect for the fear of the unknown and wondering what is next to be paralyzing at times. Expect the unexpected that those who say they support you may be the very ones to criticize you. Some may tell you that you are not doing it right because it’s not how they would have done it or that you’re not moving forward fast enough… That you create an atmosphere of walking on eggshells and that they cannot keep up with your emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes they may feel it’s too much or even that you are. They may blame you and often talk about how you reacted yet never about what triggered you. 

People will ask whether you’re in therapy or why this still bothers you or if you’re trying. They will remind you that you are still not over him or her yet and that you have not dealt with the trauma. Maybe they’re right, are we ever really over someone we once loved? Do we ever forget the trauma we once endured? They will comment on how one minute you’re happy, the next sad, and the next angry. That too is okay as anyone who questions that may never have experienced grief. They’ll tell you that you’re too sensitive and they’ll question why you do certain things a particular way without ever considering the life you just left behind and the habits that unfortunately do not go away overnight. They will remind you time and time again that only you can do this and that no one can do it for you. They may even want the very best for you and they’ll push you to be the best version of yourself yet even with the best of intentions, they may forget to cut you some slack. You may stop hearing from people that once were a significant part of your healing process because “you’re safe now” and they’ll let you know that you sound different and that you’re better now. It may get lonely and you’ll do everything you can to protect yourself and those around you. You will beg people to stop reminding you that you are young and have your whole life ahead of you and that you deserve better and you will so badly want someone to just tell you it is okay not to be okay. And that is okay. You’re not too sensitive, you are just healing and rebuilding the confidence that was so wrongfully stripped from you. You are not too much, you are everything you were meant to be. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of a relationship, the life you knew, and remember that neither healing nor grieving is linear and it gets messy. If you take two steps forward, and three backwards, it’s okay. It’s okay if you thought you were over it, but it hits you all over again. It’s okay to fall apart even when you thought you had it under control.

This is your story, the journey belongs to you. There are no rules and leaving does not come with a step by step direction book. You are going to have good days and bad. You are going to feel like it is you against the world at times. And at times, you may even want to go back despite how many times people tell you that you deserve better or question how you can miss someone who treated you so poorly. It is normal. It is a part of the journey. It is the foundation that you must lay in order to rebuild. But you can do it…. You are doing it… and you are going to continue doing it.

Your responsibility is to embrace the journey, to be easy on yourself, to show yourself grace, and go through the motions of every high and low. It is your responsibility to believe in the person you want to become. It is not your responsibility to try and help others to understand. Some days you will have no idea how are you going to do it, but every single day it still gets done. Iyanla Vanzant once said, “each of us face a moment in our lives called ‘the breakdown moment.’ This is the time when you must stand toe to toe, eyeball to eyeball, with the very thing you have tried desperately to avoid. In that moment, when there is nothing standing between you and the thing you fear the most, you will be forced to step into your greatness, because that is what life is demanding of you.” So, be committed to seeing yourself win. You owe everyone nothing, but you owe yourself everything.