It’s a call no parent wants to get – another call from school saying you have to pick up your child for behavior issues. You may wonder: what is going on? Why are they behaving this way? How can you help?
Tantrums, mood swings, testing boundaries and being energetic or shy are all typical behaviors for children, but what does it mean when you notice these behaviors are happening a lot more frequently or at an inappropriate age? Is this just a phase or could it be something more?
This is why mental health awareness is important; it helps answer these questions and advocate for people experiencing mental illness. Knowing the symptoms, how to seek treatment, end stigmas, and educate others on how to become a support system can significantly reduce the impacts of mental illness.
These impacts can include suicide, risky and dangerous behavior, physical health impairments, and lack of positive social and emotional development, although the list goes on.
In the developing mind of a child or adolescent, it is very important to address any mental health concerns and provide early intervention before these negative emotions and behaviors grow. If left unaddressed, continued impacts can show themselves later in life in substance abuse, difficulty with daily functioning or trouble finishing school, keeping a job, and so on.
What can you do? Educate yourself, seek professional help, and talk to your children about their emotions in a safe environment.
Children may also come up with coping mechanisms on their own. Helping them come up with positive coping mechanisms can teach healthy ways to regulate their emotions.
Some examples of positive coping skills can include:
Breathing exercises – Watch Sesame Street “Belly Breathe” for an example (click here)
Create a space to calm down – Just like adults, children may just need a moment to cool down. Create a safe space that has items like a feelings chart, a journal, stress ball or playdough, calming music, and something that has a calming smell (lotion, oil diffuser, etc.), and maybe a picture of something that makes your child feel calm or happy.
Stretching/exercise – Most of us know that there is a mind-body connection. There are a ton of benefits to physical activity and helping build a healthy body is a good way to build a healthy mind. It may also help kids release any extra energy they may have.
Art – If your child enjoys art, this may be a great way for them to express their feelings visually through artwork.
Humor! – They don’t say “laughter is the best medicine” for nothing! If your child is feeling sad, anxious, embarrassed, etc., lightening the mood with a funny joke or video can be a great way to cope with negative emotions.
These are just some examples of coping mechanisms but individual tactics should be tailored to each child’s interest and what may work for them.
For more information about mental illness, how to talk to your kids about emotions, and additional coping mechanisms, please reach out to a professional in your area.
In Connecticut, anyone can call 2-1-1 to find out about local resources, including for children’s mental health.
By Erika Heddesheimer, New Horizons Adult Advocate
Prioritizing your mental health can be hard. I did not start prioritizing my mental health until I reached a space in my life where it was openly discussed and okay to be vulnerable. I realized that unless I was taking care of myself, I couldn’t put my full energy into taking care of others. You need to put your own mask on before helping those around you, as they say, otherwise you’ll end up not being able to help anyone.
Not prioritizing yourself and your mental health can lead to stress, burnout, and negative emotions. Mental health matters to me because, just like physical health, it has the ability to impact your entire life. Understanding and taking care of yourself allows you to know yourself better, to support others more effectively, and will allow you to work toward your goals in a healthy and productive way.
Mental health is never perfect, and to our dismay, doesn’t just get better overnight (although, sleep is great for your mental health). There are many skills, both physical and emotional, that we can use to take inventory of our mental health and cope with the negative emotions we all come to face in our lives.
Try these:
Self-care.
Unfortunately, we cannot always just remove negative emotions or circumstances from our lives. Self-care is one of the best ways to cope with those difficult emotions and situations you experience. Self-care can come in many forms, and allows an individual to better process and react to the things effecting their mental health in the first place.
People often think of meditation and mindfulness when they think of self-care. While these can be useful practices, that kind of self-care may not be helpful for everyone. Self-care is anything you can do to be selfish for a moment and focus on what makes you feel good. Sometimes self-care is working out and staying hydrated. Sometimes self-care is takeout and a movie. Prioritizing time and activities to focus on you is one of the best ways to protect your mental health.
Self-care cannot be the sole route to better mental health, though, as important as it is. Sometimes you need physical coping skills, rather than emotional, to get yourself through a hard time.
Lists.
When your mental health is suffering, completing tasks that may improve your situation can seem daunting in the moment. Big problems, or even small daily tasks, can be easily be put off or ignored. Over time, though, they may grow to seem unmanageable and never be addressed. Creating a list is a good way to first outline what needs to get done. Include everything in your lists, even small things like brushing your teeth or sending an email. Once your list is made you can focus on checking off small things, one at a time, and eventually the things to get done won’t seem so impossible. Especially when you are going through something, or when your mental health is not at its best, it’s okay to walk before you run.
Ask for help.
Learning to ask for help can be one of the hardest things to do, especially for victim-survivors. Trusting people can be hard. Admitting that you need help can be hard. But we cannot do it all on our own. Support systems are essential to being happy and to being the best version of you. Talking to friends and family or establishing a relationship with a behavioral health professional are ways that you can lean on others for support.
For more resources and information on taking care of your mental health, please visit the Mental Health First Aid website or call New Horizons at 860-344-9599.
This issue’s staff spotlight features one of our Family Violence Victim Advocates, Brandi Kennedy. Brandi helps clients navigate the court system and is the team lead for Office of Victim Services compliance. Brandi’s dedication to helping victim-survivors shines through in every aspect of her work. Click here to read the full spotlight!
Brandi Kennedy
Q. What is your role as a Family Violence Victim Advocate? What does a typical day look like for you?
As a Family Violence Victim Advocate (FVVA) my primary role is to provide services within the Middletown Superior Court to victims of family violence crimes. Some of these services include court support, help with temporary restraining orders, accompanying victims to court, emotional support counseling, safety planning, and advocacy with family relation counselors and state attorneys, as well as legal referrals designed to enhance victims’ safety from the time of their abuser’s arraignment and throughout the court process. I help the Court Support Services Division Unit recognize victims needs pre- and post-arraignment – ensuring that every victim’s voice is heard. My position requires working closely with law enforcement to ensure protective orders and other sanctions are enforced. Lastly, as a FVVA, I lead New Horizon’s Office of Victim Services compliance and ensure every victim knows their rights and entitlement to victim compensation if eligibility is met.
A typical day for me consists of reviewing the daily DV docket, organizing files, gathering that day’s arraignments and collecting victim input for cases. This includes making contact with all victims listed in the police reports and completing safety risk assessments. I typically stream into virtual court and gather all the arraignment outcomes to call the victims back with the information and then correspond with the state attorney’s office to see which cases need updated input from the victim. There are days that I attend multiple meetings, hold conferences with victims and their legal counsel, conduct research for New Horizons’ social media content, participate in event planning, and ensure that New Horizons’ stakeholder voices are represented in the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s priority legislation to advocate for changes that improve current IPV statues. I spend a lot of time on the phone speaking with victim-survivors, on Zoom, researching, and advocating for change in systems outside of but that directly impact the field of intimate partner violence.
Q. What drew you to working with victim-survivors of intimate partner violence?
My drive to work with victim-survivors of intimate partner violence comes from a very personal place. I survived a home that would be considered a combat zone with frequent IPV. I left home at 16 to escape abuse and have lived on my own since. By 18, I had experienced my own IPV relationship where a firearm was held to my head and left me with feelings of anger, shame and fear for many years. The cycle of abuse is very real, and when we are not provided the tools to understand the red flags or live in homes where violence is normalized, we often perpetuate the cycle. During my undergraduate experience, the professor for my Women & Violence class introduced me to the idea of a “Take Back the Night” event, and I felt empowered by this movement. In 2010, I worked with UConn to host this event on campus where I spoke my survivor story. I was completely shocked by the turnout and the many survivor stories that echoed through the space. Through community, studying trauma and its impact on the brain and understanding my own history with IPV, I applied to the UConn School of Social Work to complete my Master’s degree. I learned that I could process my shame, affect change and work to advocate for the use of evidence-based, trauma-informed interventions in macro systems.
Q. What inspires you about your work in the intimate partner violence field?
As a MSW Policy Practice graduate student, political advocacy is extremely important to me in my intimate partner violence work. I strive to address issues and concerns that demand change on the state policy level and work within the intersections of DV/IPV, disabilities, human trafficking and international femicide. I absolutely love to research and spend many hours in all the aspects of my life between work and school researching intergenerational trauma, national and international policy and therapeutic modalities. I am also inspired to create a safer world for my daughter and son. Lastly, what inspires me the most is getting to work and bond with my clients and helping them through some of the worst experiences of their life – being trusted to listen to their stories, validating their emotions and helping to empower them through their fear, anger and shame.
Q. What advice do you have for possible clients who are looking for assistance from New Horizons?
The best advice I could give clients who are looking for assistance from New Horizons would be that abuse thrives in silence. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge. Sometimes we are not ready for change and that is okay – our advocates are here for you if and whenever you want to talk, vent or cry. We understand how powerful shame can be, and it often inhibits us from reaching out for connection and keeps us isolated in our most vulnerable moments. IPV comes in many forms and the verbal, emotional, psychological, and financial forms can break down a person’s will. Community can be empowering and we will welcome you into our healing community with open arms.
Q. What are you hopeful for in terms of a future without intimate partner violence?
My hope is that we’ll soon live in a nation where the societal norm is that people understand that behavior equates to the function of the person within their environment. If we understand this concept, we can end the stigmas against mental health and therapy. I truly believe that in order to end domestic and intimate partner violence we need to address all the risk factors associated with the perpetuation of it. These risk factors include poverty, low self-esteem, unemployment, attitudes accepting or justifying violence, unplanned pregnancy, isolation, the belief in traditional gender norms and gender inequality, cultural norms in respect to femicide and lastly, weak health, educational and social policies and laws. Ending intimate partner violence is going to take advocates in all arenas working towards incremental change. It is a lot of work, but we get into this work because we have hope.
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